Writing and Walking PM

On the beach today I walked. Usually I beachcomb and when I do ideas and words drift and sing into my mind. Today I’m walking briskly and mostly what I can hear in my head are endless repeats of songs that earworm my every day. But gradually I become a little more attuned to where I am and despite the pace I’m trying to keep the word thoughts begin…

On the empty cold beach lay gifts from the sea
In a range of pink, brown, gold, rust, cream, white, black, green – dark, slimy and acid
Shiny transparencies and greasy sticky blobs abundantly punctuate weedy clumps on the shoreline
Evidence of today’s traffic and visitation and pressed into the sand, feet, hooves, claws
It’s quiet now and empty across from Merricks to the glimpse of Somers
Crunchy watery bulbs burst with sea water unavoidably underfoot
Sea grass stems, succulent foliage and orange tufts of everyday beauty delivered by the bay
A showcase of what lies beneath the grey surging water
A large gull with a cruel beak circles me salivating for hot chips on this lonely beach
Back by the road it’s quiet, the beach is a faint roar only 50 meters away
I’m remember that I forget I leave so close to the beach

Weaving AM

Surprisingly the backpack basket is much closer to being finished than I had thought, perhaps another 2-3 rounds to finish off the basket itself. While weaving this morning I thought about the whys of procrastinating; this is a project that I enjoy, I think it is working well and was so close to completion but it has sat unfinished for quite a while. As I work ideas about the straps for the backpack come to mind. I had planned to make the straps using a Japanese technique that is used to make thong-like sandals from rope and fabric. I saw such straps on a basket in a small store in Kyoto when I visited Japan in August 2018. I have a book dedicated to it. Often, I put off having a go at new things until I have thought about them long and hard, done a lot of reading and looking at examples that others have made. Maybe I’m scared of having a go and things don’t turn out perfectly, and this would make sense as to why I put this weaving project down a few months ago as it got closer to the point where I would need to go outside my comfort zone and try something new.

I’ll admit I am also intimidated by instructions I don’t even like to follow cooking recipes; I prefer a bit more of a go with the flow approach to most things, but this should be easy, step by step photos.

www.instagram.com/p/CGBk18MjaaA 

PM Walking and weaving

After a gentle stroll around the neighborhood I settled down again to working on the backpack. I feel a more settled with a plan for the straps and I managed to almost finish. I am on the last row where the stitching alters from blanket stich to a simple binding wrap stitch. I have two days of working at my day job before I return to my residency.

Today is Saturday, still have the old habits of tending to housework on a Saturday (and leaving a mess on Friday night) even though I work part time and work from home so really could do it anytime, then with the tidying mindset I walk into my studio/study. It’s a bit of a mess, so much stuff, (I’ll never be a minimalist) but you can see the floor which hasn’t always been the case. Check it out at www.instagram.com/p/CGJOaG6DtvL

AM walking at Balibooroo, there are so many more people out walking now trying to escape the indoors of lockdown, it used to feel like we had that little peaceful place to ourselves, so rare was it that we’d come across others.

The last couple of days have been away from VR doing regular work but during that time I finished off the backpack section of the basket, getting in the habit of regular creative activity has had a residual effect and I’ve picked up that project in spare moments. I’ve been looking at my Japanese craft book using a translate app which doesn’t always make a lot of sense – thank goodness there are pictures to follow as well.

A couple of practical project ideas have come to mind in the last couple of days: a lining bag for the backpack and window length cushion for my studio/study using the small fabric scraps as filling. This window cushion is essential as my pets are spilling onto my workspace!

Today I’m going to sew and experiment with the straps.

I watched a really interesting TED-Ed video on practice on Facebook.  Over the last month or so I have started to practice drawing. It’s not really my thing but I thought it would help with pattern making, colour and shape combinations and just be good for my brain. I’m using mostly watercolour paint pencils and crayons and using some source books for pattern ideas. It’s fun and a good way to let go of outcomes and perfectionist ideas.

In the spirit of procrastination, I have made my cat window seat rather than continue with other projects. I used a thick calico sack, a cushion cover and an offcut of Ikea curtain material – all from the op-shop. Joined it together and filled with old cushions, its opens at both ends using the existing cushion cover zip opening and the drawstring opening of the sack, that way I can add filling to it easily. The plan was to use fabric scraps to fill but I found I had enough old cushioning to do the job. Making the space cat friendly also makes it friendly for me and it feels like the room has had a facelift. The test run has been sniffed out but the rubber hits the road when I try to do work with my pets in attendance.

My afternoon walk took me to a local bushland reserve. I go there occasionally to walk and last year I went down there a few times to pick up rubbish. In the same spot that I found a toy sewing machine and other evidence of a child’s room throw out, I found a watercolor pencil split down its length that can be used in drawing practice, a webbing plastic o-ring thingy that I can use, also some AA and a phone battery/ies, nail polish and a toy roadworks witches hat. Happily, there was no new big dumps that I could see, still loads of roadside rubbish, plastic drink bottles and the like tossed from passing cars.

It was one of those days. It had to happen. Can’t get it together. Nothing feels right. Need a nanna nap. Cabin fever but don’t want to go out. General dysphoria. Don’t like anything I make. Again, today I worked on straps for my backpack, woven Japanese style this time using raffia, it was awkward and wonky and didn’t really turn out as planned, I worry about the strength too. Tried a different method, one I had worked on reed with before, easier to manipulate, but too open – my concerns for this one is snagging during use. Check out how they turned out here, www.instagram.com/p/CGPWzjbjUv8.

When I said don’t like anything I made today, of course I was being a bit dramatic. I don’t mind these two versions of strap weaving but I think neither of them is right for the project and I’ll need to spend more time thinking to figure out how to make the straps. At least this time it is fully aware percolation of ideas rather than an awkward guilty feeling of procrastination.

AM, I spent some time reading the accidentally aptly named ‘KAWS Companionship in the Age of Loneliness’. It’s a sturdy and beautiful publication by the NGV on the exhibition of the same name that I missed due to the Covid-19 lockdowns. So many things have been missed, 2020 is indeed an age of loneliness and a time when loneliness is beginning to be taken seriously in the mainstream now that no one can really escape it. Anyways, the book has brought me back a little sparkle and I am able to dust myself off a little and procced to work on something new and in keeping with my desire to reuse materials and avoid landfill.

I had in mind a beach blanket, something lightweight and easy to carry. The function will be something to sit on or wrap myself in while I am at the beach trying to be still, thinking, writing or stitching – the blanket has lots of unfinished hand-stitching which can be done at the beach. I’m going to use a Wagga* style patchwork method, deconstructing garments but holding on to their history of former use by retaining their pattern piece shapes. These are then on to a fastened to a backing, I’m going to use something like a sarong for minimal weight. The quilting stitches that hold the two layers together can be stitched in situ. I’ve referenced the book where I first came across this type of patchwork below, you might get lucky with an internet search.

*S. Denton and B. Macey, Quiltmaking, pp 152-153 and p63, picture 63 ‘Red Wagga’ by Barbara Macey 1986, Thomas Nelson Australia, Melbourne Victoria, 1987.

The last three days have been at work I’m surprised by how much energy it takes to talk to people, think, write notes, follow processes and all the requirements of my paid job. I am glad it is all from home at the moment. I felt driven to work on the Wagga style patch Beach throw in the evenings. All the piecing and machine stitching got done; perhaps part of the tiredness today. I’m really pleased with the use of recycled clothing – retaining the original shapes from garment manufacture gives this piece history and context, bringing with it a reference to the people who originally made the clothing. It is also a reminder that textiles have use beyond initial function. The piece is backed with lightweight op-shop remnant of coral colored fabric with metallic threads – www.instagram.com/p/CGYbiP7Dbn1. My plan is to continue with the hand stitching while at the beach. There was nothing really wrong with most of the items that I took apart; they are not things that I would wear normally, I’m attracted by the fabrics type and print. Some of these had a bit of staining like the purple kimono pieces and the seersucker jacket (which still had the tags on it), making them candidates for the landfill. Original Waggas were made from wheat bags or wool bales by shearers in Australia*. The whole concept fascinated me and still does. A spin-off from a Wagga project is all the small pieces of fabric left over that can be stitched together spawning a swag of other projects, all linked by color and texture.

I first made this type of item about 30 years ago using the curtains from my grandmother’s house in England, likely from the 40’s. They were holey and threadbare having survived decades and immigrated with her in the 70s and then left behind when she went on to live out her life in New Zealand with my Aunt’s family. I used my (former) partner’s jeans and flannel shirts to cover the wrong side of one panel and it seemed fitting that clothes used for work would hold together the curtains which had performed functionally for so long. That panel served as a blanket/sofa rug in my loungeroom for a long time. At some stage I let it go, probably not wanting to be reminded of the (former) partner and that life, letting go of my Nanna and her history and home, a place I knew nothing of except for in my imagination.

*M. Rolfe, Patchwork Quilts in Australia, pp 96-99, Green house publications Richmond Victoria, 1987.

Some cleaning of the nest took place today – big items for hard rubbish and sorting through some of my hoarded materials and notions from Japan. It makes a difference and somehow, I feel lighter and more able to get going once these tasks are taken care of. I found a bag of items from Japan that are related to Sachiko stitching and some tenugui* which are multi-purpose cloths about the size of a bar mat or small gym towel. It’s given me the idea of experimenting with some tenugui Wagga pieces.

While wrecking in the cupboard I found a bag strap that I have now covered with the same fabric pieces used in the beach throw and this is looking like it might work for the woven backpack, but it will be more of a crossover basket if I do. There was a nice piece of webbing on one of the items I put out for collection and that should anchor the straps well.

This evening I messed around on a label making website and tried all the fonts and colors and messed about until I found something that I like, there are too many options. This task has been put off by me forever – it’s all about deciding what sort of impression you want to make, comic fonts – no silly, futuristic – what am I saying, little bee or flower – too twee for me, a recycle symbol works but it doesn’t match the font. Its endless, but thankfully I finally pressed the button and hopefully they will be here soon and I won’t be whipping myself for being too conservative.

*en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tenugui

Yesterday I was so annoyed with myself I couldn’t write anything. I got distracted and interrupted by minor medical issues and the runaround with that then got stuck. In the end I put myself in my studio and just did it. Two things have come from this.

1. The idea that nothing happens in a tidy work room, I have evidence of the type of inspiring squalor that I am wading in here https://www.instagram.com/p/CGlW0XsDeCt/ Unfortunately it is also an office so I will have to tidy before tomorrow’s wage day just to maintain my sanity.
2. A message to my dramatic catastrophic, perfectionist self, the one that speaks to things that must be done right and work every time otherwise it’s a disastrous waste of time. Destroy/create create/destroy same, same but different, an idea that isn’t going my way doesn’t have to be a dead loss, it can be reworked and in so doing learnt from, be resilient, don’t give up, let it wash over you.

The idea that I was working on was to create some tenugui that was in keeping with the reuse of other previously manufactured items. The tenugui itself is the easy part, 90 x 35 cm cloth, the interesting things about tenugui are the application*, the different ways the cloth can be tied as a head and face covering. Firstly, I pieced some cotton cloth to about this size as a base but it just didn’t feel right, then I consulted my fabric stash and found about 5 pieces of fabric that work. Black and white gingham, fine coral colored fabric with metallic threads as used in my beach throw, some textured blue floral, the bottom half of a men’s check shirt.

*www.tofugu.com/japan/tenugui

From there I did some patchwork piecing of scrap fabrics which I planned to make into animal patches to be applied to the tenugui. Problems were, the animal shapes made no sense. I ended up removing the backing and cutting circles which work better.

PM The husband stopped work to have lunch with me today and a conversation about existential crisis and the current Covid lockdown ensued – not the normal conversation. Like everyone we’ve been feeling cooped up and disconnected from people, places and activities that we’re normally are exposed to, these are the things that keep us going and somehow somewhat sane. The why of it all is so ephemeral, that’s so very much how I’ve been feeling and tend to feel that way in the normal scheme of things so even more so with the current woes. We talked about not feelings so great about ourselves, not being too hard on ourselves and where we can go to escape for a break once it is legal again – somewhere where we might feel safe. Covid safe. Residency is such a great opportunity, with it comes the time to focus intensively on my work also, with it comes an intensification of all the things that go with the work, the psychology I guess, the insecurities, the stumbling blocks, the procrastination, the self-defeating habits, the struggle for meaning and purpose, imposter syndrome. I know it is more difficult for some than for others. Just do it, just get on with it, stop it with the mind games – if only. The husband mentioned that he had a bad day last week, it’s a rarity for him; he’s such a rock. I’m more of a dropped leaf.

Something has come from today’s uncomfortable experience; I’m going to head to my drawing book to see if there is another shape that would work in the same context on the gingham tenugui.

The above pictures are drawing exercises from my visual diary, using pattern books, I have one on wall paper design and others that are reference books for strengthening my drawing skills, really basic stuff I don’t think I’ll ever be great at drawing but I like the challenge of working at it as a skill.

AM this morning I went on a Covid safe walk around Coolart with a friend using a trail that I had not seen before. It was a lovely walk with many different aspects. I didn’t realize how much I needed a nature immersion; just to get out into a small piece of bush and talk. About creativity and what is important to our work and respecting the time, history and work of others, the impacts of price on the value of these things – it was good. We crossed a creek on a wooden bridge and sat in a bird hide watching a pair of white necked herons dance and perch together. We spotted a swamp wallaby too. In the grounds of Coolart there is an old formal garden and a beautiful gingko tree, I’d never seen one before but I am familiar with the shape of the leaves, often replicated in artworks and textile design. It almost feels like I’ve been on holiday.

PM Drawing practice, mostly to improve and line making but also to see if something emerges that I like for the tenugui pieces. This green shape reminds me of the French “langue de chat” or cat’s tongue chocolate/ biscuit. Just a little research reveals that cats’ tongues biscuits and chocolates are popular in Europe, Asia and south America. Some of the tins and boxes have really nice artwork like the Droste tin from Haarlem in Holland below – many other tins depict cutesy cats – but not all. My plan is to experiment with this shape.

Plugging away at my tenugui project, it has been good for me to experiment with colours, textures and prints. I used a scrap of pink Thai silk from my hoarded materials, it still had a tag connected to it from Thailand with a date 1988. I have been to Thailand but this piece would have come from the opshop, like most of my fabric collection. I wonder what the rest of the fabric was used for and if it is still being used. The dark red is also from the opshop, it is a piece of 100% wool and I guess from a project too. I am usually attracted to an item of clothing by colour or pattern and often disappointed by the style or size. I may still purchase a garment to repurpose rather than to wear.

The opshop has been a part of my life since I was a teenager. Of course, there was always hand-me-downs, me being the youngest it was rare to have new clothes, until I grew taller than my older sister. My mother made a few things for me when I was small, and if we had jumpers they were knitted. I remember having a jumper with a horse on it and the mane was a wooly fringe. That jumper had been on the backs of three children before me, our neighbor had made it for her only child and then the garment had worked its way down through the kids in my family. Things were mended then as a natural part of a garment’s life. One birthday I went with my mother bought me a satiny pink button up shirt (it was the 70s) and a pair of jeans and shortly after I fell off a friend’s bike and made holes in both. They were darned and I wore them until I grew out of them. I began to opshop as a teenager in part because I was fickle and didn’t like anything in the shops, let alone having the money for new clothes. I also wore some of the dresses that my mother had made for herself and worn as a young woman. She didn’t throw things out often; the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I made clothes for my kids when they were little, but it wasn’t as common for people to do that by then, the 90s, as clothing became cheaper and came from overseas instead of being made at home or locally. I studied at the Melbourne College of Textiles for a short time the year I turned 16 and it taught me respect for the textile industry. I lament the loss of value and knowledge of the materials: where they came from, who made them, the impact on the environment of their manufacture and where they go when they are cast aside.

I can’t believe this is the last day of my residency, somehow, I thought I had a few more days (typical of me truth be told), looking back at my calendar I hadn’t noted the public holiday but worked through it.

Today I managed to finish a basket project that had sat for a while, made a couple of old-school needle books and laid out another tenugui. During the residency I have done some beachcombing and spent more time than I imagined I would with fabrics. Some things I had planned to do I’ve barely got to, like poetry and road-siding. I missed the group project because it happens on a wage work day, but the turtle I made will go towards it even though it was made by me in isolation.

It has been a fascinating mental space to be in. All the business of being creative and actively working on projects has been condensed into a
short timeframe with all the blocks, doubts, angst, enjoyment, inspiration, ups and downs that I would have in relation to the making of things and the development of project ideas happening hard and fast. I had to deal with it and keep on going. I’ve learned that with sustained practice comes skills development and resilience and these things take time.

www.instagram.com/slowbento

During this residency I’ve had the privilege to make and explore, to think about my work and to finish projects.

I still have the ears to sew on one of my iso friends and sewing kits to make, loads of materials for repurposing, enough for my lifetime I reckon. My raffia basket backpack is still waiting for the right strap/s.

I have to remind myself that there doesn’t have to be an outcome that is commercially viable or even that anyone else likes or thinks is useful. I have to remember that being creative soothes me and helps me to be resilient. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea, some people get it others don’t, but it makes me tick.